Scars of Thunder (The Zero Hour)

"Their dread commander. He, above the rest in shape and gesture proudly eminent, Stood like a tower. His form had not yet lost all its brightness, nor appeared less than Archangel ruined, and th'excess of glory obscured. Darkend so, yet shone above them all, but his face deep Scars of Thunder had entrenched, and care sat on his faded cheek, but under brows of dauntless courage and considerate pride Waiting revenge. Curle his eye, but cast signs of remorse and passion to behold the fellows of his crime. "
- Milton Paradise Lost


Today I held my first orchestral score in my hands. Printed, bouned and named. Finished. I felt very strange. Detached. It dosen't even feel like it is my piece when I look at the pages as a whole. I flip through the pages and the textures, harmonies and melodies flood my mind with hundreds of little memories and thoughts.

I am suprised that I finished by the deadline. Many moments where I wanted nothing more than to put down my pen. But, all those empty dead eyes urged me to continue. Icons have a steadfast cold expectation that you can't get from a person. People forgive and pity, waver and fail. When you make a promise to an icon, they will always hold up their end of the bargan.

The best gods are the ones who demand evrething and give nothing. I learned that over the last few weeks.

Next time you are in a catholic church, look at the eyes of the blessed virgin, You will know what I mean.


Thanks to all those who helped me when I was working on this project. You know who you are. I remembered your kind words when images of stabbing my pen through my palm started dancing around my head. I'm no good at saying thanks in real life, so here it is.

The piece is called Scares of Thunder. It will be performed on March 30th.