Mr Jaw, Meet Mr Floor.

Have you ever wondered if you were getting some sort of outside help in your life? There are times when I do. Often times I will get very upset about "blowing" an exam or test. I rant and rave, blaspheme, quote revelations, paradise lost and Dante's inferno... Nothing can shake the sense that I have failed somehow and I am left to languish in a sea own stupidity for all eternity. Eternity usually means until I get my test back and realize that I got an A!

That's right! Remember all that bitching I did about that Orchestration test? A!My Jaw hit the floor hard enough to leave a small crater. It is almost as if my brain somehow blocked out all the good work I did on the test and focused only on the one question that was impossible. The impossible question quickly consumed my memories of the test until it was the only concept remaining. I could have sworn I just threw a bunch of random crap together in the last 5 minutes.... But somehow that random crap was very very good. Luck? Genius? Angel? Demon? The notation for the harp was brilliant! I don't even remember doing it!

It's not like this type of thing hasn't happened to me before... There have been times where I was so freaked out about writing a theory exam I didn't get out of bed for 2 days! My Dad actually called me from his work just to see if I was "ok". If my dad does that type of thing, it usually means he thinks I am going to kill myself. Again... I got a B+ on the exam that I was sure I had failed. And that B+ was a precious gift coming form Professor Richey. He has automatic fails and Automatic Ds on his exams.

Big Lesson today: Wait until you get your tests back before you let them ruin your day. I apologize to all the people who had to incur my wrath that day.

Tasks completed today:
Recorded and put together Kathy's CD
Lesson with DM
Rehearsed with Borrisa for our show tomorrow.
Electroacoustics class
Handed out first 2 mvmnts for Goetia (Large brass/organ piece)

T minus 13.
Happy Birthday Paul! How old are you now... 24? 25!

Countdown! T minus 14

14 Days to the deadline.

Progress Report. 20% finished.
Project outlook: Desperate.
Solution: Cut Myself off from the world for 14 days.

I will do this if it kills me!

I have recently become obsessed with the notion that I and many of my friends are suffering from serious internet addicitons. Many of them spend ridiculous amounts of time on their computers chatting. I chat as I work sometimes. When I am very focused I can't chat.

I took an Online test: and I scored a 36. So, I'm ok. However... Taking an online test for Internet addiction? That makes my head hurt.

New Music festival has started. I can't go to any shows because I am too busy. However, I will be performing with Borissa on Tues at 12:15. I hope we can get our shit together in time!

Distractions, tricks and traps

I got some good work done on my orchestra piece. Will I be able to finish it? I'm not sure. I know I'll have something to hand in. Will it be any good? I will depend who you ask. The creative process is so strange. I compose like an old locomotive. The beginning is always rough, I slowly pick up momentum, then once I am up and running things are great. Time moves very quickly when things are working, just as slowly when things are not. At times I can be easily distracted, other times I am so focused I have no idea what is going on around me.

I had a Good lesson with my teacher Dr Matthiews last Monday. He isolated my problem and helped me make some tough decisions. It is times like these when I am reminded that I am still a student, and rely on the help of my teachers. That can be humbling for an arrogant and self absorbed creature such as myself. I had to scrap my beginning, re think some tempos and transitions... Most of all, I had to get some serious motive material to work with. I had been working on large scale things, not focusing enough on the micro scale. Micro continuity makes macro continuity. I find that I am never short of brilliant ideas for pieces. My problem is how to do the small tasks necessary to complete them. It's almost as if I can't be bothered with the details of my own work! This can lead to trouble because as of yet, I don't have a team of orchestrator's at my beck and call.

Dim Sum is fun for everyone! Kevin, Veronica, Danno, Dave and Marina all went to the Dim Sum Garden for happy hour today. It's always fun to see someone taste all those crazy little colorful items for the first time. I think it almost blew Kevin's mind! The Dim Sum idea was a success. Cheap too!

I found an An A 440 tuning fork. It was on the windowsill in room 308 at the school. It is mine now. If anybody asks about it, i'll give it back, but until then. It shall be mine.

Things on my mind:
1) Orchestra Piece
2) Brass Piece
3) Jazz Piece
4) The future of cyberculture in general. Is it healthy?

TESTING.... TESTING.... *tap* *tap* *tap*

Ever have one of those days where crazy situations keep flying out of nowhere at you? I found out I missed a lesson, did poorly on an orchestration test. Aced a Philosophy quiz, argued with Dr Mathews, Saw some footage of a video collaboration. It's like the universe is trying hard to balance all my luck and success with the occasional failure to remind me that I am human.

Orchestration:
Today was my first orchestration test. By any measure, I am by far the best orchestrator in my class. (Borissa doesn't count he is almost 30... and Foreign!) I know all the material inside and out. Why then did I freak out and do poorly (I suspect) on my test? UNCLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!
I think very differently than most people, therefore, for me to do what they want, they have to be fairly specific. Why is it so hard for teachers to put things on the test that they cover in class? Am I the kind of person who will go and talk to a teacher about this type of thing? YES! Is that a smart thing to do? I will find out. I got 19 /20 on the first orchestration assignment.

Philosphy:
I got my 2nd philosophy paper back today. 98% I picked up Dave's assignment. Not looking is going to kill me!!! Just to make up for me messing up a test in Orchestration. How could he have beaten me?

FilmColaboration:
I saw some footage of Mike's film today. I must say I was very impressed! So much good stuff in that guys brain! The intro sequence is incredible! It has sexual themes. VERY sexual. But I'm sure my jury can man up and look at the boobies ... aren't they supposed to be artists themselves?

Man.. I am going to work on my orchestra piece tonight. IT HAS TO BE GOOD DAMNIT! Just a few more months of this. Just keep pushing... I'm almost home free!!!

-Eliot

Notice: I have mastered the blog link on my 2nd day on the job!

Beginning of the end

I will post fragments of my journal here for you all to enjoy. A peak into my life.


At the moment my life consists of three things.

1. Prepare for your graduation recital.
2. Finish your orchestra piece on time.
3. Graduate with top honors.

Forgive me for being one track minded but that seems to be the way it goes. I have to eliminate tasks one at a time. I am new to this blog thing, so I am not going to have very many fancy images or links. Kevin's blog is filled with that crap. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it sooner or later.

I often wonder if I am going to be able to keep myself together during these next 20 days. oop, make that 18 days. I have some work to do, but alas... things keep coming up, and I keep wasting my time. A time will come when I will pray for the time I have wasted. Oh well. Speaking of wasted time... I mixed and mastered the Bison Men's Xmas cd today. They sound pretty good! When I'm 0ld I'd love to be in their group, but rightnow, i'm glad I excaped. Nothing against them, they are a great bunch of crazy old guys. A few in particular make that extra effort to reach out to the students. Much appreciated!

Looks like I'm gonna be in the new music festival again this year. This time I'll be having a work performed at the millennium center. I don't know what that is going to be about... It seems the new music festival wants to look hip and fresh with the up and coming composers. Do you know that a Young composer is anybody under 50? DAMN! What am I then? A shitty hack who needs to bust his ass for another 20 years? Exactly!

Borisa has hooked us up with some playing gigs around the city. I did one last weekend, it was great! Loads of fun. I have some great recordings of it. When I get some web space, I'll have snazy audio examples of my stuff. I've always wanted to do some live electronica. I would love to get some interesting material together but i'm too busy. Life is cruel. Also, I am submitting some stuff to a competition in toronto. Perhaps I'll get accepted and have to turn it down cuz I have no fuckin time!

Time... expanding to infinity in both directions, but there's never enough.